Pining her boyfriend’s recent elimination, KellyAnne tells us that without Wes around, she’s going to be bored because she doesn’t care to talk to anyone else.
At the top of the list of people KellyAnne doesn’t care to talk to is Johanna, who is currently plotting against her with Susie. Last week, they unsuccessfully tried to get her into The Ruins with Veronica and that’s the plan again. Susie says Veronica hasn’t done enough, athletically or politically, to merit sticking around.
Veronica counter-schemes with Casey and KellyAnne. She toys with the idea of pulling a Wes and sabotaging future missions to keep herself out of The Ruins. Though Derrick isn’t close enough to hear what’s being said, he’s nervous about the fact that Veronica is even having a conversation with people from the other team. “Veronica seems like the kind of person that might throw a challenge,” he says. “Seems”? Veronica has been throwing challenges for her own gain since half these jokers were in the second grade. Derrick, you know that.
Mango Madness
This week’s mission, Fruits Of Your Labor, is another obstacle course, but it’s much less idiotic than usual. Kudos... you know, whoever plans these things out. Each team has a huge bowl of Thai fruit, which the throwers scoop onto platters and toss to the catchers, who are standing on the other side of a big wall with an outstretched burlap sack. The catchers bring the fruit to the runners, who take it to the delivery people, who put in a bowl, which they carry with giant bamboo chopsticks to the weigher. That person’s job is to dump the bowl into a scale. Basically, the object of the game is to have the heaviest load of fruit and you’re not allowed to touch the fruit with your hands, hence burlap sacks and chopsticks.
Knowing Veronica is up to no good, the Champions make her a thrower. If she tries any funny business, fellow throwers Darrell and Evan can pick up her slack. Veronica tells us that while she doesn’t have a lot of potential for damage, she’s going to do a crappy job throwing, just in case. “Can you please get your s--t together and beat us for once? Especially now?” she rhetorically asks the Challengers.
Susie says that as a catcher, her only strategy is not to get a concussion from any flying fruit. “I’ve been hit everywhere you can possibly be hit with a mango,” Syrus says. It seems to be pretty close — not even Casey can screw up dumping a bowl of fruit into a scale — but the Champions win, as usual.
Later, Johnny basically tells Syrus that he’s getting voted into The Ruins and them’s the breaks. Syrus isn’t happy about it, but he refrains from running around like an insane person screaming, “You guys are the worst people ever!” Syrus chooses Cohutta as his opponent for financial reasons — by eliminating Wes, Cohutta inherited his bank account and has way more money than either Brad or Dunbar. Veronica knows she’s going in for the girls and tries to pick Sarah as her opponent. Her teammates are having none of it and pit her against KellyAnne. She calls Derrick a coward and he’s like, “Veronica, shut up.” She makes passive aggressive references to the importance of standing up for what you believe in, but Derrick totally doesn’t care. What he believes in is shutting up and staying out of it.
Hog Tie
After the meeting, Veronica overhears Evan and Susie talking about her, and she vows to sabotage the team to the best of her ability if she comes back from The Ruins.
Named Hog Tie, the elimination round involves being suspended from a pole by your wrists and ankles. The objective is to make your way across, collecting a key along the way. Once you reach the platform at the end of the pole, you unfetter yourself and run across the sand to ring a gong. According to Cohutta, “If a man’s got a really good shimmy about him, he’s got a shot.”
Though he has at least 40 pounds on Cohutta, Syrus has a surprisingly good shimmy about him. He flies to the other end, but has some trouble with the key. Cohutta is more slow and steady, and is first to free himself of the shackles. Having scored all the money Syrus has banked so far, Cohutta is also the richest man in the house with $18,660 to his name. Syrus says he’s never been more disappointed with himself.
In the female heat, KellyAnne and Veronica are neck-and-neck, despite their different shimmying methods. Veronica does an upside-down breast stroke, while KellyAnne basically has a spaz attack, throwing herself backward. Veronica loses steam toward the end and KellyAnne wins.
Tar And Feather
Since Tonya is no longer around, Johnny decides to prank Derrick, who drunkenly passes out later that night. Other people are involved, but Johnny is definitely the main instigator of Operation: Tar and Feather Derrick Using Maple Syrup and Feathers. Derrick wakes up and lunges from his top bunk like a spider monkey. After Derrick wrestles Johnny to the ground, the other guys break the two up before an actual fight brews. Derrick tells us he doesn’t appreciate being messed with in his bed, where he keeps pictures of his wife and son. Because, you know, it’s cool to douse sleeping people with maple syrup as long as there are no family photos nearby.
Johnny is incredulous that he’s taking all the blame, but as Evan puts it, “You brought the feathers. Who brings feathers? What are you, a drag queen?” Johnny tells us that his biggest obstacle within the game is his own capacity for acting like a jackass.
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