The Ruins: Episode 1
Tonya's Liver Hates Tonya, Everyone Else Hates Wes
There’s white sand, turquoise waters, lush tropical vegetation… and 28 of our favorite unemployed MTV stars, who share their thoughts as they embark on the latest Real World/Road Rules Challenge, The Ruins.
Veronica, who has been on seven Challenges but none in the past four years, feels like a “born again rookie.” Sarah is excited to compete, since doing Challenges was part of why she signed up for The Real World in the first place. Dunbar broke up with his back-home girlfriend for Kim, even though there was “no spark.” Brad is still with Tori, who doesn’t matter because she’s not on this season and there are a lot of people to keep up with. Derrick has a newborn son. Katie got engaged. Danny got married. Tonya got separated. Adam refers to the fight that got him kicked off the last Challenge as “arguably the biggest mistake” of his life. Well, yeah. He got beat up on national television while wearing footie pajamas. The Champions is stacked with proven competitors, but Susie tells us that the team could be hurt by everyone’s history and baggage. About that…
The Love Dodecahedron
KellyAnne, who used to date Cohutta, is dating Wes, who used to date Johanna, who hooked up with Kenny, post-Wes. All five of these people are on the show. Johanna and Kenny are still friends. Wes and Kenny hate each other. Cohutta and KellyAnne don’t really talk, but they’re fine — Cohutta thinks she and Wes are more compatible anyway, since “(KellyAnne) eats tree bark and (Cohutta eats) fried chicken.” Okay, then.
Tonya gets obliterated, takes her clothes off, and falls down the stairs, all within the first 10 minutes. She is seriously the greatest. Various Champions express concern (and amusement) (but mostly concern, given the zillion dollars at stake) over her shenanigans. Susie tells us that “Let's face it: Tonya is the mayor of Crazytown,” a comment some comic genius in the editing room chose to pair with a shot of Tonya in bed, vomiting into a plastic bowl.
Meanwhile, people who aren’t blacked out talk strategy and how they’re going to figure out who gets nominated for The Ruins. The Champion guys discuss the Wes conundrum, the one where he doesn’t get along with anybody. Wes is under the impression that everyone is scared of him because he’s The Man, but they mostly just seem to find him egotistical and aggravating. On bad terms with just about everyone, Wes thinks it’s only fair if they determine who goes into The Ruins via pulling names out of a hat. According to Ibis, “Wes is on crack if he thinks the boys are actually going to go for the ‘pulling out of a hat’ thing.” Ibis was correct, so Wes goes downstairs and tells KellyAnne his back-up plan: to go out of his way to make his team lose, leaving his fate in the other team’s hands. "Once my team relinquishes power to me, I’ll help them win challenges," he says.
Chain Of Fools
BMX champion/Challenge host TJ Lavin tells the cast about their first mission. In Chain Gang, all 14 team members are hooked onto a rope, which they have to climb one-by-one to a platform at the top. The twist: they go in ascending order, climbing over and stepping on the heads of their teammates. During the Challengers’ turn, Casey falls off the rope and the subsequent 11 people reach the platform with little fanfare. By the time Shauvon reaches the top of the rope, Dunbar is too tired to lift her so he makes “an executive decision: just drop her.” Chet backs him up, commenting that “Dunbar can’t just lift Shauvon; we’d need all six of our dudes to do that.” That was mean, but funny. Sorry, Shauvon. Despite Wes’ attempt at sabotage, the Champions pull out a victory, giving them the power to decide who’s duking it out in the elimination round.
To make up for her previous trainwreckery, Tonya volunteers to go and chooses her opponent in Diem, who is perceived as The Challengers’ strongest girl. In the male Ruins, Wes opts to face Chet, an underdog in his purple bow tie and Elvis Costello glasses.
Dangling on bungee cords, the competitors’ objective is to fashion a ladder from pieces of bamboo and ring a gong at the top. It’s tougher than it looks and The Bowtie Killa comes close, but Wes emerges victorious, as does Tonya — to the relief of Team Champion, since “keeping it together” isn’t so much Tonya’s thing.
As the (longer than usual, making it difficult to write about in 800 words) episode closes, Wes cryptically vows to screw his team, while other Champions solidify their plans to counter-screw him.
The Champions win the first mission and both Ruins
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